How to be a supportive parent to your teenager

By ReachOut Content Team, Tom Lazarus
Published 23 November 2023

As your teen grows into an adult, you might notice they’re spending less time with the family as they hang out more with their friends and make more of their own choices. This is a natural part of your teen finding their identity and independence, but it can feel like they’re pushing you away, which can hurt.

You might miss your old bond and feel like everything you say is wrong – or even that you don’t have a role anymore in your teen’s day-to-day life. But the truth is, your teen needs your love, guidance and backup as much as ever. The way you parent them just needs to adapt and evolve as they grow. Find out more about keeping your relationship with your teen strong and full of trust while they change gears into adulthood.

What does it mean to be a supportive parent?

Every teen has different needs, but supportive parenting is a gold-standard approach because it aims to set young people up to be confident, kind and responsible adults. 

A supportive parent is present, fair and reliable – even predictable! This gives teens a solid foundation and makes them feel safe and listened to. Here are some practical ways you can be there for them.

  • Encourage their schoolwork and hobbies. You might do this by buying them crafting materials or cheering them on when they play sports.

  • Respect their choices. This covers everything from their clothes to their friends. And don’t just accept their gender and sexual identity – actively support and celebrate by being a good LGBTQIA+ ally.

  • Make time for them. Have regular one-on-one chats – maybe in the car or while on a walk. Ask them questions and listen to their responses. If they don’t want to talk, let them know you’re happy just to hang out.

  • Celebrate their wins. Give them a hug and let them choose what to have for dinner, say – not just for things like exam results, but for trying or overcoming a setback. Calmly help them to learn from their missteps.

  • Set clear boundaries. Explain the family rules and spell out fair consequences for breaking them. Check out our guide to setting boundaries with your teen, from curfews and chores to personal hygiene.

  • Back them up. Be prepared to step in whenever they’re treated unfairly.

  • Teach them to be safe. Not everyone has your teen’s best interests at heart and you can’t always be there. Aim to equip your teen with the skills and info to make healthy, safe choices for themselves.

  • Give them a say. Asking for their input when making family decisions shows them you value their opinions. It will also help them to problem-solve for themselves.

  • Save them a plate. A busy teen will always appreciate finding a home-cooked meal in the fridge. (Whenever possible, a shared family meal is even better.)

Why your teen still needs you 

They might pretend they don’t, but your teenager still gets a lot from your parenting. Whether it’s an understanding ear during a breakup, job advice from someone who’s been there, or just cinema money and a lift to footy practice, showing up for them will help them to meet life’s demands and challenges. 

Some things about parenting never change.

  • Boundaries make teens feel secure.

  • Your approval means everything to them (even if it doesn’t seem so). 

  • Your having their back will give them confidence to succeed. 

  • Your love is their armour.

  • Staying alert to trouble will help to keep them safe.

  • Listening is your key to understanding what’s going on for them.

Set your teen up for adulthood

Part of being a supportive parent is preparing your teen for what comes next – giving them the tools to look after themselves and to thrive as an adult. Here are things you can do.

  • Share your wisdom. The details were different when you were a teen, but the lessons you learnt still count and can help your teen navigate their own dramas.

  • Connect them with mentors. Teens can find it easier to learn some things from trusted adults who don’t have such an intimate bond with them as a parent but can be role models, whether it’s an aunty or uncle, a community or religious elder, or a sports coach.

  • Help them to find community and support. Tell them about online resources like MOST, which has a safe, inclusive social network and can connect teens over 16 with trained peer workers for when times are tough.

  • Prepare them to fly the coop. Make a chore roster so your teen learns the skills they’ll need when they move away from home, like doing laundry and cooking. (Start simple, with something like cheese toasties or a stir-fry.) 

  • Encourage independent travel. This could be by supporting their plans for a camping trip with mates, helping them to get their L-plates or sorting out a tap-on card for public transport.

  • Have the money talk. Educate your teen about the basics of setting a budget, saving up for something special, and donating to a favourite charity. Check out these tips on teaching your teen good money habits.

Where to get more support

Parents don’t have to be perfect, so don’t feel you have to pretend to have all the answers. Reach out for advice and extra support when you need to, because feeling good in yourself and having people and professionals in your corner will help you to parent at your best. Options include:

Find out which kind of support might be the best fit for you.

Change up your parenting style as your teen grows

Reflect on your parenting style and tweak your approach as your teen’s needs and responsibilities change over time. The easiest way to keep up with where their head’s at is to schedule regular one-on-one time with your teen to do something enjoyable together. It can be as simple as taking a walk in the park or grabbing a coffee. 

When your bond is strong, it not only feels good to you both, but (bonus) your teen is more likely to see the love behind any new boundaries and be onboard for the plan.

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