Positive coping skills for self-harm

If you’ve discovered or suspect that your child is self-harming, and you’ve talked to them and offered your support, the next step is helping them manage the urge to self-harm in the short term.

This guide outlines practical, positive coping strategies to help your child navigate urges to self-harm. Keep in mind that they may not work for everyone – your child may need to keep trying until they find something that works for them.

Coping strategies for self-harm

Many young people who self-harm describe it as a way to manage unbearable emotions. Teaching your child alternative strategies can help them delay, distract, divert, or relax when the urge strikes.

Delay

Sometimes, just slowing down the response can interrupt the cycle of self-harm. Try these simple strategies:

• Secure the tools they use to self-harm in a locked drawer or box wrapped in tape or cling film. This will give them time and opportunity to choose a different or more positive way of coping.

• Encourage them to set a timer for 10–15 minutes when they feel the urge. Often, the impulse weakens with time.

• Suggest they write down how they’re feeling before acting. Journalling can provide a needed emotional outlet.

Distract

Distraction helps shift attention away from intense emotions. Suggest activities your child enjoys, such as:

• solitary distractions like listening to music or podcasts, reading or drawing

• social distractions like calling or texting a friend, or going to the movies (when they’re ready).

When they feel overwhelmed by their emotions, it can be difficult to remember the things that give them pleasure. Your suggestions should serve as reminders of things that they like to do. But it’s important not to press them.

One great strategy is to create a ‘distraction box’ with things they love, like photos, fidget toys, scented candles, affirmations, favorite snacks, etc. Check out one young person’s story of using a distraction box to help her get through difficult times on our youth site.

Divert

Some young people feel the need to express emotional pain physically. Low-risk alternatives can provide safe outlets, such as punching or screaming into a pillow, holding an ice cube until it melts (there’s a sense of discomfort but it will not have lasting effects).

Diversion techniques should be planned with a mental health professional. It’s not advisable to support your child with these on your own, as there is a possibility of the self-harming behaviour escalating.

Relax

Learning some relaxation techniques can help improve overall emotional wellbeing. These can be more difficult to use in a moment of acute distress, so it’s helpful to practice them daily to build the skills. Here are some simple ones they can try:

• Breathing exercises like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8). When we panic we breathe faster so a conscious decision to breathe more slowly and a bit deeper has a very calming and positive effect.

• Guided mindfulness, meditation or progressive muscle relaxation practice. Apps like Smiling Mind or Headspace are teen-friendly.

• Physical activity like walking, swimming, dancing or running. Any form of movement can provide a powerful emotional release.

Check out more practical tips for your teen’s wellbeing.

Get professional help for extra support

These short-term strategies are just part of a bigger picture. Your child may need professional help to explore the deeper emotional or psychological reasons behind their self-harm and learn longer-term solutions.

They may also need help if they’ve started using negative coping methods such as drug or alcohol use. Get in touch with a GP, psychologist, or school counsellor so you can have somebody else in your corner. If the behaviours have escalated, check out our guide to when and how to seek medical attention for self-harm.

Coping with your child's self-harm can be really difficult. If you're looking for something you can access on the spot, parent hotlines can be a less formal way to get some help, and might be exactly what you need. Check out our list of helplines for parents of teens.

Helping your child cope with self-harm is not about finding a quick fix, it's about building safety, trust, and resilience over time. Stay open, non-judgmental, and supportive. Most importantly, let your child know they're not alone and that you're on their side.