Teenage bullying
Bullying is a serious issue that affects around one-third of Australian students. At its core, bullying is repeated, intentional behaviour that’s meant to make a person feel intimidated, threatened or powerless. It doesn’t just happen at school – it can occur online, at home, in the workplace or within social groups.
As a parent or carer, it can be hard to know when normal conflict crosses the line into bullying, or how to help if your teen is being bullied but doesn’t want to talk about it. Understanding these signs and knowing how to respond can make a big difference to your teen’s wellbeing.
This article covers:
Why do people bully?
Bullying behaviour is usually influenced by a combination of factors, such as:
wanting to feel powerful and in control
struggling with unhappiness, trauma or anger
peer pressure or group dynamics
having little empathy for others
covering up self-esteem and confidence issues.
Some teens may also be dealing with challenges at home, mental health concerns or social difficulties. While these factors may help to explain bullying behaviour, they don’t excuse it.
Teens from marginalised groups (e.g. LGBTQIA+, culturally diverse, disabled or neurodivergent groups) may experience identity-based bullying, which can be extremely isolating and traumatic.
What bullying can look like
Bullying can come in lots of different forms, including:
name-calling, teasing or discriminatory remarks
spreading rumours or lies, or excluding a person from a group
physical intimidation or aggression
online behaviours such as sending hurtful messages or engaging in image-based abuse
targeting a person’s sexuality, religion, race, gender or disability.
Signs your teen is being bullied
Teens don’t always talk about what’s going on. Instead, they may show signs like:
refusing to go to school or being anxious about going to school
experiencing a sudden drop in their academic performance
having trouble sleeping
withdrawing from social activities
losing interest in things they used to enjoy
having low self-esteem
missing some of their belongings
having injuries they can't explain.
What are the impacts of bullying on teens?
Bullying can have long-lasting effects on a teen’s mental and emotional wellbeing. It can lead to:
feeling alone, helpless or ashamed
anxiety, depression and panic attacks
feeling unsafe and afraid
low self-worth and blaming themselves for the bullying
difficulty in forming relationships
in some cases, self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
What to do if your teen is being bullied
Stay calm and be a safe space for them
When you learn that your teen is experiencing bullying, take a breath and try to avoid panicking or reacting immediately. If they feel you’re freaking out about what’s going on, this can unintentionally increase their stress or cause them to withdraw for fear of hurting you. Instead, try saying, ‘Thanks for trusting me with this. I’m really glad you feel you can talk to me about it.’
Have an open conversation
Encourage your teen to share their experience at their own pace. Ask open-ended questions like:
‘Can you tell me more about what’s been happening?’
‘How has this made you feel?’
Avoid making quick judgements or jumping straight to finding solutions. Reassure them that it’s not their fault. If they don’t want to talk right now, let them know that this is okay and that you’re there when they’re ready.
Make a safety and action plan
Figure out some practical, manageable steps that your teen can take if/when the bullying occurs. This might look like:
going to a friend or member of staff that they trust
deciding on how to respond in different situations – ignoring the bullying, walking away or seeking help.
Practising these scenarios can help your teen feel more prepared and empowered.
Communicate with their school
Bullying often happens in school environments, where staff have a responsibility to act. Request a copy of your school’s anti-bullying policy to understand their procedures.
Contact a trusted teacher, year advisor or school counsellor first. If the issue persists or isn’t addressed properly, escalate your concerns to the principal or school administration. Keep records of incidents, reports and communications for reference.
Learn how to combat cyberbullying
If the bullying is happening online, there are things you can do to protect your teen, including:
blocking and reporting someone on social media or messaging apps
saving evidence of cyberbullying behaviour
adjusting privacy settings to control who can contact them.
Check out our guide to dealing with cyberbullying for more tips.
Encourage self-care and build resilience
Help your teen to engage in activities that boost their confidence and wellbeing, such as hobbies, sports or creative outlets. Learn more about building resilience and making self-care a family priority.
Get professional support if needed
If bullying is severe, ongoing or causing significant emotional distress, consider involving a mental health professional such as a counsellor or psychologist. Therapy can provide your teen with coping strategies and a safe space to express their feelings.
How to address bullying in the home
Sometimes bullying behaviours happen at home, too – between siblings or partners, or even between parents and children. By calling out and addressing behaviour at home that might be exclusionary, controlling or hurtful, you will also demonstrate good conflict resolution for your child.
Keep an eye out for:
teasing that turns mean
forcing people to do things they don’t want to (outside of normal parental rules and consequences)
excluding people from activities
gossiping or spreading rumours about people
taking frustrations or worries out on the people around them
trying to force people to adopt their point of view.
By demonstrating kindness, active listening and respectful communication within your family, you can set a strong example for your teen about how to treat others and manage conflict constructively. Learn more about how to model positive behaviours.
Advice from a psychologist on teenage bullying
In the video below, psychologist Clare Rowe explains the impact that bullying can have on teenagers, what to look out for and what you can do if you suspect that your teenager is being bullied.